Not Today Satan

You read that right! Free shipping on orders over $50 in the contiguous United States

Orders shipped for free will typically arrive within 3-7 business days via the method of our choosing.

Faster shipping methods are available if preferred.

When you're happy, we're happy. If in the event you're not satisfied with your order or there are item defects, then your order can be returned to us for free within 30 days of delivery.

In order to qualify for a return, the order must be in the original condition sent with packaging. Refunds or exchanges will be submitted on return.

We know. The internet can be a pretty wild space full of crazy and interesting things - like our funny novelty socks! And as you're flipping through Instagram or LOLing at your favorites memes, you're gonna want to do some shopping. When you do, we're going to make sure you feel as safe and secure as possible while you're pondering your next fashion faux pas.

We take privacy very seriously. Our entire site is encrypted and you have the entire access to it without ever needing to sign up. When you place an order we won't share the information you give to us to process your order with anyone - EVER. Additionally, we except payments via 6 different payment processors so you can choose the method of payment you feel comfortable with.